New York
Honoring our roots
“We looked at each other and knew that we were about to get married. My father’s dying wish would be granted. But as we looked at him it was clear that time was of the essence. We decided to be married by Sunday…”
Symbols of a Jewish Wedding
The Jewish wedding ceremony is rich with symbolism and meaning. Like all Jewish rituals and rites, the ceremony has developed over time within various historical contexts that helped shape the celebration as it currently exists. However, notwithstanding the ‘true’ historical rationales for each piece of the ceremony, I have sought a deeper meaning structure that might provide a broader, more psycho-spiritual and therefore universal teaching for each of the distinct ritual moment, irrespective of ‘actual’ purpose or context in which the element was first introduced.
The Veil
Covering the Bride’s Face: The Power of Searching
Traditionally, the custom of covering the bride’s face with the veil reminds us of Rivka, one of the matriarchs of the Jewish people, who covered her face in her first encounter with Isaac. It also represents the mystery inside each of us and the power of the unknown. This power of searching is preservational to our relationship and will keep us always ready to learn new things about the other.
It means “cover” to us. The bride and groom are “covered,” symbolizing protection. When love is present, we don’t need walls. It also represents a house that is always open to friends and family. Its simplicity is due to the importance of flexibility in any situation. The wedding ceremony takes place under the Huppah to remind us of our nomadic ancestors and to maintain the Jewish tradition.
Traditionally, the bride circles the groom seven times, representing perfection and creation in Judaism. We have found meaning in the bride and groom, each circling each other three times and together doing one final round, adding up to seven. We understand the rounds as representing our deep vulnerability since we cannot see each other for half of the circle. Growth requires learning about things that we have never seen in ourselves. We trust each other to have each others back. v all have blindsides and need a relationship to see them and evolve.
Innumerable choices led you to one another. Not only the choices you made but choices made before you by others too numerous to name, too complicated to contemplate. Choices. This moment leads to the next, and your choices will be those made for others yet to come. This is a reflection that invites wonder, mystery, and gratitude. And it reminds us that choice is always at the core of deep and true love. Choosing to love, be open, be with another human being, and commit to building a world together is our holiest choice.
The main sanctification of marriage is exchanging rings. The band represents the unbreakable and unlimited bond between the couple. Upon exchanging the rings and uttering “Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo k’dat Moshe v’Yisrael,” the couple is officially wed through the language of commitment. As such, we will be wearing a symbol of our union and promise to each other even when apart, we will remember that trust is built on the congruence between words and actions, between intention and extension. The ring is the ‘circle-on-the-line, the visible memory of the ‘circle-dance’ that begins the ceremony. ‘I am with you, I have your back ‘is the promise we remember with each glance at our wedding band.
Jewish history begins with revelation, with a ‘written Torah’ enumerating obligations and recording foundational stories that will guide values, visions, longings, and laws. The wedding contract, a proto-feminist document originally created to bring (some) gender equity into the Jewish marriage, is an expression of your pledge to build a world where your stories are recorded and transmitted faithfully to the family you will build together.
Blessing, as a practice, portrays the human capacity to express joy, radical amazement, and the world’s wonders. We view the goal of these blessings to empower us to better see the good in each other, in marriage, and in others. It should remind us always to give each other brakhot compliments and actively notice what is positive about our lives. To practice blessing, to be a blesser enables us to say, nonetheless…bless. In good times and the challenging ones…we will be blessers. This leads us, finally, to…
This is a tradition full of symbolism and interpretation. Through this tradition, we remember the pain from the destruction of the temple of Jerusalem, but we also realize what was created from it. Our communities have been able to thrive and grow in exile, and it shows us how something that is broken can also create something beautiful and new. In fact, as babies are born only after the mother’s water breaks and as we all around us, breaking precedes repair, we intentionally break a ‘perfect’ glass, acknowledging that there is a crack in all things, as Leonard Cohen wrote, and ‘that is where the light gets in. What is broken becomes stronger when repaired, and all things break. Perfect marriage ceremonies are imperfectly ended to tell us that that is part of a strong, healthy marriage.
Thanks to Rabbi Ingber and Romemu.org
Romemu began with a lineage and a vision. Rabbi Ingber’s spiritual journey took him from the intensity and commitment of an Orthodox upbringing to the serenity of meditation and yoga before meeting his mentor, Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. The two shared a vision of a renewed, elevated Jewish spiritual life – one that is open egalitarian, while still drawing deeply from Jewish traditions.
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Thank You Notes
We are so grateful for all your love and blessings.
If you would like to contribute to our Gift Registry, please click on the below.
Your gift for our wedding is like your presence in our life,
it is irreplaceable.
We are so grateful for all your love and blessings.
If you would like to contribute to our Gift Registry, please click on the below.
Your gift for our wedding is like your presence in our life, it is irreplaceable.